A Polish Joke---Not

I was remembering the question that Willow and Shane's neighbor asked me the other day when he drove by just at the time they had put me out on the sidewalk for pickup with the trash. I had told him the reason for my plight (uh, I fell off a ladder changing a light bulb). "Well", he laughed, "just how many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?"  Being neither Polish nor blonde, I may have done my share for having made them look good comparatively at this point.

And I'm sick of it. So I want to change my cover story. What harm can that do? I just need your input to see what you think I should go with.

One suggestion is being bitten by a shark. I kinda like that. My granddaughter Maddy has actually been trying to teach me how to surf the last 2 summers in San Diego. The truth is I have been incessantly pummeled by rocks and have barely been able to stand in the surf, to the point that this tiny little 10 year old granddaughter literally saved my life when I could no longer rally to get up out of the viciously attacking waves.  One would think sharks would be smart enough to avoid such hazardous conditions, but fools rush in where angels fear to tread, so who knows?

Another wannabe scenario, in a virgin attempt at kayaking when visiting with college roommates this summer at Lake Tahoe, after switching from the kayak, I tumbled out of the canoe into the rapids in the Truckee River, which hurled me up and down and all around like a rag doll in an industrial washing machine. Actually this also is a too true story, though the timing is off by a couple months....  repeatedly So many times the sheer force of the river had its way with me, despite all the strength I could muster just to hang on, I truly gave up hope of surviving. Yet a miracle later, I ended up with only massive bruises in obscene places. I could embellish, no?  Surely, a calcaneus fracture is totally in sync with such a brazen wilderness confrontation.

Or if I couldn't have sustained this injury just in the process of being cool, how about by being a hero? I have always wanted to drag someone from out of the mouth of a polar bear (at the zoo, I can't take the cold, and only want to be a hero, not a martyr). Or pull a family from a burning building. That would make this pain bearable, or worth it. But the only thing in that vein I have done in the real world is to stop a rape in progress in the long ago.  And how could I manipulate that--- he karate chopped my heel out of anger? Logistics. Could happen, but I think a broken rib or neck would be more likely.

Anyway, you see my dilemma. Can't keep going with the ladder fall. If you can help me with a better scenario, I would really appreciate it (will consider UFO themes)...or let me know if you would vote for one of the above. Something has to change.