Letter to Dianne- Why Yes, I'm on Drugs, Why Do You Ask?

Dear Sis, I AM at Willow's still. Bet you're feeling sorry for her.  Actually she's gone all the time,or sleeping.   Although Sunday night they were home, so they moved an old couch into the garage after they parked the car outside, so we could just languish there and look like white trash and spy on the neighbors- is that the right spelling?)

Well maybe it is if you live in an equestrian neigh, neigh, neighborhood; of course, if it were dogs it would be an "arferhood"...or "bowwowerhood"--- then maybe if they were East Coast they'd want to borrow your lawn mower or something.  Of course it it were an HOA and just restricted to Pit Bulls,it would be illegal anyway.   And if it were cats, for pete's sake, it would be a catty neighborhood like Wisteria Lane,and be on TV and all.  (See---everytime, follow the money!!!) Right. 

Anyway,back to the spying.  I mean like it would probably be classified OVERT spying,because there you all are on the couch, on full display EXPOSED,but modestly so because of the kids and all,so it definitely appears to be the riskiest kind of spying.  We did see Jeff (the guy across the street) kind of talking to his truck, so that'll be in the report.  Just don't know who to report to yet.  Is that kind of like report it and they will come???   Or Law of Attraction? 

So for a few days I have been getting these random intense jolts that got my attention and then some.  They would only last a fraction of a second and the target was mostly my foot--- that had been operated on almost a week ago--- which made me a little suspicious (because I once long ago went to a Dentist and told him my tooth hurt whenever I walked and he made me get out of his office--- like I was supposed to go to the foot Dr. when my tooth hurt?  Honestly, give some people a degree...)

But I figured it made sense for that area to have a problem now with the CAT Scan proof of the heel being broken and all, so I felt validated and official.  I didn't feel/look like a fool so much anymore (which works as I'm no longer blonde like I was when I went to the Dentist).  I never mentioned it to anyone at any rate--- till last night; because it almost left quicker than it came, so it was easier to ignore than to get all worked up about it. I have limited energy at this point, after all. 

However the night before last, the pain started to spread up the ankle, and after a few times, it enveloped the whole leg.  Not only that, the frequency of these attacks accelerated on an exponential scale.  So I was lying on the couch last night when I was attacked by myself, and my leg came up off the pillow and nearly kicked me in the head.  I yelped because it was so intense and spontaneous and I didn't have a chance to sing a military hymn or recite the Girl Scout promise or anything.  So I got Willow's attention because she was right there and she made me call the Dr. He's even cute over the phone!   

Anyway, he'd never heard of such a symptom, but was sure it wasn't a red flag.  I see him Thursday afternoon to get the stitches out, and I will be so hurt if he kicks me out of his office and tells me to go see a Dentist.  Wow, that Karma! 

The Doc actually at that point told me I was in a lot less pain than almost anybody else who he has operated on with this same surgery, so I am doing fantastic! (That's basically the same line I got from all the male Drs. attending me during childbirth--- "relax, relax, this is a piece of cake.")   Do males even experience pain at all?  I am going to start calling him at 3 am starting tonight. 

Do you think we could possibly gang up and do that in shifts all over the country?  So it would be like "Ohh, I'm in soooo much pain at this time, it registers all the way to Chicago!" And then the next half hour, someone from Florida would call in "...all the way to Tampa!"   then the next half hour "...to San Jose!"  And wouldn't it be cool to have "Do you know the way to San Jose" playing in the background right then???  Of course, our voices wouldn't sound the same, so alternatively we could use Morse Code.  Or counteralternatively we could just keep the volume way up on the song... Girl power!! 

I AM going to try to go and vote today.  I called yesterday to see if I could somehow be accommodated on crutches and all.  I am new to this handicapped business. Election Headquarters put me on hold for half an hour (I don't know, maybe they assumed I was otherwise challenged as well and just put me on slo/mo). Anyway they came back and said to just try to go to the front of the line and then if no one poked my eyes in (in which case I would be blind and could definitely get some assistance in the special voting booth--- seriously!), voila, I would be in the front of the line.

Do you think that works for Andrea Bocelli?  Or do you suppose he would use fake crutches to get in the front of the line in the first place first?  I mean, what's the good of being blind if you have to WAIT for help in the voting booth?   Of course, maybe he's not a citizen in the first place.   So what do you suppose they would do about this in Italy?  I know, I know---that's why we have Ambassadors. Is Shirley Temple still functioning, so to speak?   I just thought, what if I start kicking myself in the head over and over when I'm in the Voting Booth?  Will they be able to tell if I'm a Democrat or Republican?   That's sooooo not right. (Independent, actually, though not so much for the time being.) Hey, what if I could sing?   Oh well, time for a pain pill.  Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yipeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Your Sis (and there's nothing much you can do about that)