Requiem

The year is winding down.  And I've noticed that '11 turned out to be a time to reflect on the past a bit for random reasons, time to think back to what it was like to be part of a family in the last century.  Feeling a little antique here, but it's been good to remember.

Remembering those people.  Kind of fun, kind of tender.  One memory leading to another.  One person to the next.  One photo offering up a disappeared world of smiles that no longer light up this one.  Those priceless long ago faces.  Faces that didn't linger around nearly long enough.  And wouldn't you know they belonged to some of the best people!  Isn't that the way it goes?

As a young girl, I remember my Mom wistfully mention her cousin Dale, recalling how he was the absolutely nicest guy in the world.  Too nice, apparently, for his own Father's world at that time.  So he got professional help for Dale in order to adjust some, I guess, toughen up.  Man up, Dale.  Who knows what pressures a gentle soul could face, especially back when?  In his early 20s Dale had a little accident while cleaning a gun, they said.  My Mom's eyes got faraway and her voice soft the few times she ever mentioned his premature death.

But I was young and so were MY cousins.  We had never known him, so what did that have to do with us?  Not much. Too busy playing, too busy living.  We didn't grow up spending lots of time together, but we'd horse around a few times a year---at Grandma Lukey's for Christmas, for instance, at Grandma Lucy's for Thanksgiving.  I had a handful of cousins on both my Mom's side and my Dad's side.  Just enough to keep it from ever getting dull at the get togethers.  Maybe not a Norman Rockwell painting, but then again, that's exactly what it all seemed to be to me.

Peggy was a year or two younger than me, and she was always "on" at Grandma Lukey's---witty, vibrant, all grins.  She and her older sister, Vicky, set the pace.  And it was fun!  But those days are long gone.  Life happens, things change.  Hers became complicated, difficult.  Until the smiles had nowhere to go anymore, and on New Year's Eve, a month before she would turn 40, the wit and vibrancy, the resiliency she had summoned for untold years...fled.  And she left this world behind.

My cousin Jimmy, however, made it into his 50s.   Jimmy was on my Dad's side of the family.  Such a bright kid...top of his graduating class, good solid career as an Engineer.  Grandma was so proud of him.  You could have bet a lot of money on him having a successful life.  Good odds.  Even had a family, 3 kids.  He seemed to have it all.  For awhile.  Then.  Over time.  Divorce, Diabetes, Depression.  Damn.

I look at these old photos.  Happy innocent faces.  Who knew?  I miss them.

I miss them.