MICHELANGELO'S DAVID GOES HOME TO ITALY
Just got back from 2 amazing (and food filled) weeks in Illinois. Because of the habit we jumped into of constantly eating out, starting practically the minute I landed at O'Hare, I had to bid a sad farewell to my two favorite pair of jeans. They nobly suffered and died. Not that I can zip any of the surviving, less appealing ones up either anymore. So whose fault is that, anyway??
For awhile now I have been honing the art of blaming my mother for everything I don't like about myself. If I have inherited an incapacitating lack of a sense of direction, annoying penchant to worry, inability to balance a check book, bad feet, incompetence at telling jokes, yada, yada---consider the source. Ok, so I can't carry a tune, and the woman can sing and play Hawaiian Guitar. Nevertheless, Torrey and I have a lawsuit in the works and we're pinning everything on Grandma Mudgie---from bad hair days to packing on the pounds (oh, sorry Torrey, guess you're out of the loop then). Now I think it's a glaring sin of HERS that I can't wear jeans. And those cute dimples CANNOT save her now. How many days in a row did we eat out? And more than once a day?
(Yeah, and try telling people you went to a Tapas Bar and see the reaction you get!)It was fun, fun, fun! Now fat, fat, fat! Guilty, guilty, guilty! Thanks a lot, Mom.
AFTER A TWO YEAR VISIT TO THE UNITED STATES, MICHELANGELO'S FAMOUS MASTERPIECE IS RETURNING TO ITALY.
Look, I'm not sure
exactly what role DNA plays in all this. It may well be that classic "environment" argument holds some sway. I'm nothing if not fair. Possibly the battle of the bulge goes back aways.... Consider:
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
(Couldn't find who to attribute this to, but he/she was certainly inspired)
Just got back from 2 amazing (and food filled) weeks in Illinois. Because of the habit we jumped into of constantly eating out, starting practically the minute I landed at O'Hare, I had to bid a sad farewell to my two favorite pair of jeans. They nobly suffered and died. Not that I can zip any of the surviving, less appealing ones up either anymore. So whose fault is that, anyway??
For awhile now I have been honing the art of blaming my mother for everything I don't like about myself. If I have inherited an incapacitating lack of a sense of direction, annoying penchant to worry, inability to balance a check book, bad feet, incompetence at telling jokes, yada, yada---consider the source. Ok, so I can't carry a tune, and the woman can sing and play Hawaiian Guitar. Nevertheless, Torrey and I have a lawsuit in the works and we're pinning everything on Grandma Mudgie---from bad hair days to packing on the pounds (oh, sorry Torrey, guess you're out of the loop then). Now I think it's a glaring sin of HERS that I can't wear jeans. And those cute dimples CANNOT save her now. How many days in a row did we eat out? And more than once a day?(Yeah, and try telling people you went to a Tapas Bar and see the reaction you get!)It was fun, fun, fun! Now fat, fat, fat! Guilty, guilty, guilty! Thanks a lot, Mom.
AFTER A TWO YEAR VISIT TO THE UNITED STATES, MICHELANGELO'S FAMOUS MASTERPIECE IS RETURNING TO ITALY.
Look, I'm not sure exactly what role DNA plays in all this. It may well be that classic "environment" argument holds some sway. I'm nothing if not fair. Possibly the battle of the bulge goes back aways.... Consider:
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
(Couldn't find who to attribute this to, but he/she was certainly inspired)
1 comment:
i love it! so cute and yet so fitting!
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